Buzzwordz is a section of Mike's website that's all about words....
There is something strange happening when I buy Snapple Diet Iced Tea...I've been reading the "Real Facts" on the caps. Don't do it. They're as addictive as the tea itself.
Here's some of them:
You cannot fold a sheet of paper more than seven times.
(Try it I couldn't get past six no matter how I did it)
On average, you spend a year of your life looking for misplaced objects.
(I think that's what was printed on the cap, I'm paraphrasing, because I lost it)
There are more doughnut shops per capita in Canada than in any other country.
(I can order mine with chocolate sprinkles, because I happen to speak Canadian)
Antarctica is the driest, coldest, windiest, and highest continent on Earth.
(I thought my old college dorm room was the highest place on Earth)
The average smell weighs 760 nanograms.
(I don't know how heavy a nanogram is, but I imagine that I weigh billions of nanograms and that's just depressing)
A rainbow can only be seen in the morning or the late afternoon.
(Unless you're driving through West Hollywood)
"O" is the oldest letter in the alphabet, dating back to 3000 B.C.
(Oh! That just freaks me out that one letter of the alphabet could be older than any other)
Only male turkeys gobble.
(I guess that's an easier way of telling them apart, rather than lifting up their little turkey legs and checking)
There are more than 30,000 diets on public record.
(I haven't found one that works yet)
Underwater Hockey is played with a 3 pound puck.
(Why are they playing underwater? Did the ice melt?)
Ketchup was once sold as a medicine.
(I'd like a Big Mac with Tylenol, please)
Pennsylvania is misspelled on the Liberty Bell
( And it's cracked, too? Geez, I want my money back)
Ninety Percent of all garlic consumed in the United States comes from Gilroy California.
(Makes you wonder, where does other ten percent come from?)
Chewing Gum was invented in 1870.
(Wonder what the Marketing Campaign was like...I mean...if you didn't know what chewing gum was... would you know what do to with it?)
International tug of war rules state that the rope must be over 100 fee long.
(I sit on a committee for the International Duck, Duck Goose! Rules and Regulations Board, until someone yells, "Goose," then I run around and chase them)
The World Record for Watermelon Seed Spitting is 70 Feet.
(It's actually 68' and 9 1/4." The record is held by Lee Wheelis from Texas...I looked it up. By the way, didn't you just guess it was gonna be a Texan? Those Texans sure like to spit)
Africa is divided into more countries than any other continent.
(How come Chad is a popular name boy's name, and Dijbouti isn't?)
A ten gallon hat holds less than a gallon of liquid
(Who's the idiot that poured liquid into his hat to find out? I'm betting on Lee Wheelis, the spitter from Texas)
In 1860, Abraham Lincoln grew a beard at the suggestion of an eleven-year-old girl.
(Her exact words were, "Damn! You sure is ugly. Cover that shit up!")
Dim Lights reduce your appetite.
(I must be eating with Flood Lights on)
The weight of the Moon is 81 Billion tons.
(I signed the Moon up for Jenny Craig)
In the United States, all the Interstate highways that run east to west are even-numbered.
(You can technically say that Interstate 10 here in Los Angeles runs east to west, but you don't really move on it, you just kinda sit there)
The legs of bats are too weak to support their own weight, so they hang upside down.
(Someone call Darwin, 'cause that shit don't make no sense)
In 2003, a six year old girl was ticketed for not having a permit for her lemonade stand.
(Ironically, this fun fact was on a bottle of Very Cherry and not Lemonade)
A snail breathes through his foot.
(Thank God, they don't wear sneakers)
Giraffes can lick their own eyes.
(The Slogan for Kentucky Fried Giraffe food is, "It's eye licking good!")
A bee has five eyelids.
(Is that per eye or per bee? The cap doesn't say)
Mount Everest has grown a foot over the last 100 years.
(I sent a Sherpa up with a yard stick. He hasn't come back yet)
Disco means "I learn" in Latin
(Wow. Disco something new everyday!)
Seals sleep only one and a half minutes at a time.
(poor bastards)
David Rice Atchison was president of the United States for one day.
(This would be such a good place for a Bush joke)
The word facetious features all the vowels in the English language in alphabetical order.
(And sometimes facetiously)
I'm going to keep drinking Snapple. So, check back for more.
I'm trying to win the convertible pictured on the cap, he said facetiously.